Materialism for the summer

 Summer 2012 is just around the corner!!! Ok but seriously the Bernhard Willhelm collection has been debuted for SS 2012 and it's already going on pre-sale.  So here's a few shots from the show with some pieces that I really really want.

 I love the shorts here, maybe more tight than I would have them, but the lace-up front is cool and the stitching is all in the right places, I think these would be very flattering.

  Love this whole look, I think this is one of the only looks where I liked everything head to toe.  The tank is really cool and bright and fun and hangs just how a good tank top should. The shorts are just right and the socks are great too!

  Cool shorts here, the print is awesome and the color is real sophisticated.  Not sure what the hoody/tunic thing is but it's growing on me.

  Love this hooded jacket, it's keeping up with my geometric/aztec print obsession. Not crazy about the jeans AT ALL though, maybe they look better in person?

Again this print and color are great....not sure about the cut and fit but maybe it would look better on me?

Lastly, I love this look on Francois Sagat....very jealous that he's the one getting to wear it on the runway and not me though.
Audrey Lefevre...if you're out there and can hear me...send me some clothes!!!! more look

When Narcissus died the pool of his pleasure changed from a cup of sweet waters into a cup of salt tears, and the Oreads came weeping through the woodland that they might sing to the pool and give it comfort.
And when they saw that the pool had changed from a cup of sweet waters into a cup of salt tears, they loosened the green tresses of their hair and cried to the pool and said, 'We do not wonder that you should mourn in this manner for Narcissus, so beautiful was he.'
'But was Narcissus beautiful?' said the pool.
'Who should know that better than you?' answered the Oreads. 'Us did he ever pass by, but you he sought for, and would lie on your banks and look down at you, and in the mirror of your waters he would mirror his own beauty.'
And the pool answered, 'But I loved Narcissus because, as he lay on my banks and looked down at me, in the mirror of his eyes I saw ever my own beauty mirrored.

-Oscar Wilde "The Disciple"

On Love.....

My love life hasn't been the most organized thing over the past few years.  I tend to be a little free with my love.  That, or I have too much to give depending on how you look at it, and that gets me into some sticky situations.
Since I was a pup people older than me have been preaching to me that I'm either "too young to know love" or "I'll know when love hits me" or other vague, cliche sayings that don't really help or guide a young person in any way.  I'm still rather young I know, but I'm no spring chicken either, but I haven't felt that singular smack in the face that LOVE is supposed to be.   What I do know is that I have loved, I know I love my family dearly, though I may live far from them and I might not speak to them everyday I know our love is strong.  I know I love my friends, those that are close to me now and who are like my brothers as well as those who have touched my past and become a part of the fabric of my person.  It's funny how living in a city so densely metropolitan as New York friends can be cut out of your life from something as simple as a job change or by a move to an apartment on the other side of town. People change and grow too and these things draw us apart, but if Love was there once, how could it just disappear? Distance shouldn't mean that love is dead.
I've had three lovers in my adult life and I love all three still.  The first lasted the longest in the limelight, even though it was the most tumultuous.  We were very similar people, he a bit more angry than me. But we had similar interests and the way he could make me laugh always kept me.  I saw the good in him always and because I loved him I tried my hardest to help him find happiness in the dark times and consciously use his angry words to convey his thoughts in a more productive less destructive manner.  But after a few too many apartment moves I decided I couldn't go on taking the hits for his impulsive bad decision making and deal with his verbal abuse, while I paid for our lifestyle. So that relationship ended, I still love him and hope he finds a way to see life in a better light, and if he reads this I hope he knows I still love him even though I can't have him a part of my life.
My second love came quickly after the first to save the day, overlapping even.  He is and was the antithesis of the first, nice and caring, he was a cop after all.  I fell in love with him quickly, even though I was on guard after the first guy. Our relationship was doomed from the beginning though with his profession and my after hours job, plus a 14 year age difference. Despite a great amount of love for each other, our different lifestyles and the times we were at in our lives, made it unfair for us to stay together.  And now one of my best friends is hot on my trail, and I love him. We were friends all through my time with mystery man number 2, and there was tension between us, but we never acted on it.  After my split with number 2 he moved in for the kill.  He is my best friend, we are practically the same person and he is an amazing man. I love him, but now the lines of love are becoming blurred.  I want to be single right now, and sow my wild oats (I haven't been in 4 years), but I have this beautiful man who loves me so much and I can't bear to hurt him.  So I find myself in a somewhat open relationship limbo land with very unconventional rules and boundries, it's uncharted territory, I'm sailing blind.
So maybe I don't know what "love" my elders are referring to, maybe I never will.  I don't know if I want that kind of love though.  I see people who told me about the love I might be so lucky to have one day and I see them in monogamous relationships that fail quickly and breed hate, and I think to myself that maybe we shouldn't put so much emphasis on finding the ONE love that is going to blow all the others away. Perhaps we should just love. Put it all out there, love more than one person.  It might be harder than hating or putting people down, or being enraged by an ex. Why not Love freely, and separate the act of love from sex, define our own rules? It might get sloppy but with all the love around there will be plenty of people to clean up the mess.
I really don't know, I'm trying my way for now. But a part of me still always looks back to the marriages my grandparents have, and my own parents for that matter.  Who were able to stay together and keep the love flowing even in this age of divorce.

Matinee Vegas....the full report

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, I've been non-stop the past two weeks, with two circuit party weekends and full weeks of work in between.  Heaven, right now, would be a night with fifteen hours of sleep.  With this weekend over though I have a good couple of months to rest up.  That being said I had a great time in Vegas, and here's how it all went down.
I missed my boy Eddie Elias' party on Friday night, which I heard was amazing.  It was a pool party and apparently the space was all Playboy grotto'd out. Instead I was holding down my duties at Rockit here in NYC.  I woke up bright and early Saturday for my flight out.  Let me precede this next statement with this, I am so grateful to be able to travel on these trips to other interesting places and have it all paid for, and then get paid to have fun on top of it.  That being said, sometimes we have to cut corners and this was a bit of a budget trip since it was Matinee's first weekend music festival in the States, so my flight out was a bit ghetto.  Southwest airlines apparently caters to a lower middle class family clientele, there's no first class, no seating assignments, and since I was the last section to board I had my pick of 4 middle seats with overweight people or babies.  Then there was the 2 hour layover in Denver which wasn't so pleasant either.  But I got to Vegas!
I arrived pretty much in time to unpack my things and meet my roommate, who was a cute as a button southern kid with perky little bubble butt, then I was off to the first event "Full Tilt" at the Hard Rock Casino at the Body English space.  The Space was cool, big staircase leading down to a dancefloor. It wasn't totally a "Matinee" space, as the stage was a bit low, but that didn't affect the party much.  DJ Thersea was amazing, and the costumes were out of this world.  The theme was playing cards, and Marco Marco who does many of the Black Eyed Peas looks styled most of the outfits here. Overall it was a good party, there were some of the regular Matinee dancers and some that were hired from LA.  And here's my PSA to LA queens.....STOP INJECTING!!! It's not hot in anyway, I saw so many lip injections and botox in that backroom it was crazy, and the queens with the enhancements were walking around like fluffed up chickens so proud of it all and had rotten personalities on top of it. Good for them I guess. There were a few really sexy ones and nice ones too though that I met and it was a pleasure to get to meet and know those few. After the party I met up with some friends from NY and did a little bit of gambling, it was my first time and I didn't win anything but just the feeling of winning a little and then losing it again with my friends was somewhat bonding.
Sunday I went to the pool party so I could get a view of the crowd in proper lighting.  I met some really fun locals and had a good time, but wanted to get a little look at actual Vegas, so me and my boys took a trip to get some food at In and Out.  I think I ordered wrong, but I wasn't impressed, all these years I hear west coast people talk about In and Out and it didn't live up.  I ordered a single burger, which I think was the mistake, because the burger was so tiny compared to all the toppings that I could hardly taste it.  I think 5 guys still takes the cake.  And while we were in the burger joint we experienced one of Vegas few thunderstorms, which was incredible, huge lighting that covered the sky and sheets of rain that could have started a flood ( I love a good thunderstorm). Again Vegas is not a pedestrian city and I find myself running across streets that aren't supposed to have pedestrian traffic to try and hail a cab, whats a New York boy to do???
The party Sunday night was the main event at Rain nightclub in the Palms hotel.  Now this space was made for a good party, there was a massive dancefloor, huge LED video screens all over, pyrotechnics from the ceiling, and our dressing room consisted of all the VIP boxes in the rafters of the club.  The crowd for this party was much cuter, but I was up dancing so much I hardly had time to come down and enjoy the people.  I did have quite a few people come up and say hi and talk about the blog with me, I always appreciate that, it's really great to meet some of the people who I let into my life who would otherwise stay pretty anonymous.
Following the main event there was an afterhours, which I was supposed to work. Let me say, afterhours in Vegas are nothing like afterhours in NYC. Here, the environment is relaxed and inimate, it's basically a small circuit party with everyone you would want to see at the big ones and none of the ones you wouldn't. This party in Vegas was sketchy from the get go.  We arrived and I set my bag down in an area that looked like a change room, and went inside to scope the place out.  I came back outside and my bag was gone, we searched all over and thanks to a lovely soul Walter, we found it in a bathroom with its contents scattered all over the floor. I danced one set before the lighting guy had a Meth freakout and punched the DJ in the face and then exited the club to our "changing" area and began screaming like there was an exorsism being performed. He was kicked out and then he snuck back in and was kicked out a second time, and I took that as my cue to leave, only to be about ran over by the crazy lighting guy as he sped off into the distance, hopefully not harming anyone on his way to wherever.
By the time I got back to the hotel there was a pool party beginning with DJ Derrick Montiero spinning, there werent many people there since most had to check out and head back to life but I stayed and the music was amazing, he's now one of my favorite DJ's.  I danced in the sun by the pool mostly by myself until my skin couldn't handle the burn anymore.  I took one last walk around the strip after the pool and got on my Delta flight back home, where I was upgraded to first class and slept the whole way with my pillow and blanket and pre-flight water AHHH.
And that my friends was my trip to Vegas, sadly I didn't get any play, but thats probably for the better.
Here's a little clip from the party at Rain with Javier Medina....I'll post the professional video when it comes out.

I Love Anime!

I've always had something in my heart for Japanese animation.  Some of my favorite video games are the Final Fantasy series, which I've been playing since I was a kid.  I've enjoyed the movies of Hayao Miyazaki, and Katsuhiro Otomo's Akira, Ghost in the Shell, and some anime series like Neon Genesis Evangelion (if you haven't seen any of these, go rent them, it's a good change from american media).  Aside from being amazed by the in depth philosophical eastern thought based plots and spectacular visual conception, I was always kinda checking out the cartoon dudes.  Guilty.  They just draw these perfect big men, with exaggerated muscles and crazy outfits, and I love it.  In my adulthood I've gotten into looking at a specific type of anime called "Bara" which a homoerotic catagory of drawing where the men are big, jocks and bears, looking like how men look in my dreams.
Recently my boy Monkeygogo turned me into one of his Bara illustrations.  And it's my pleasure to show you some of his incredible work. This stuff inspires me to try and see what I could create, I doubt it would ever be anything like this.  So here's me in undress...enjoy!

To see more of Monkeygogo's work, click HERE